Beyond My Understanding

Three years ago over the MLK holiday, we went to Breckenridge for the long weekend.  We had a great day skiing and another day sledding and were worn out by the end of the weekend.  We had no idea that this would be the last time in the next three years where we would enjoy any real outdoor physical activity together as a family.  The following weekend, Ryan (age 11 at the time) came down with a horrible flu-like illness, but it lasted for three weeks.  During this illness, new symptoms showed up like horrible back pain, feet and leg pain, brain fatigue to the point that he could not read anymore and many other symptoms.  From that point on, our life changed. 

Ryan has been sick for three years now with Lyme Disease. We were told by 6 doctors and Denver Children's Hospital that there was no way he had Lyme - it must be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome brought on by a virus.  When we stepped out of the main stream medical system and visited doctor #8, Ryan was diagnosed correctly.   

For the first year and a half, we tried to keep him in school, but he only attended about 20% of the time.  Last year I attempted to homeschool him, but there were many days when he was too sick to handle school, and his brain would not function normally.  Other days, he woke up feeling pretty well and was able to hang out with friends once in awhile or take part in some activity.  These are the days that I captured photos of him, because he looked just like he always did when he was healthy. (On a side note: there is a great post here about what it is like to be chronically ill and how you don't look sick to others, http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf)

Ryan (in green jacket) on a good day

The past three years have been the most difficult years of my life.  I already struggle with anxiety/panic disorder and fear, so all of this has been extremely difficult for me - I think I might have gone off the deep end without  my anxiety meds.  It is so hard to watch your child suffer so much, for so long and see his friends all grow up and experience life, while he lies in our bed day after day. It is also hard to be a person who struggles with fear and question if he is going to make it through. I already had enough issues before this started.   I have spent many days and nights crying out to God. I have sobbed on my bathroom floor.  I have given up, regained faith and strength, and lost it all over again a couple of days later.  I am angry with God and then later, feel his presence surrounding me and I know that He is still there.  I have listened to our younger son, Carter, on multiple occasions, cry for hours as he talks about how he has lost his brother and best friend because he can never play with him, and my heart breaks a little more each time.

While I have been on a roller coaster of emotions this entire time, Ryan has been steadfast in his faith and is so sure of God’s plan for his life and of God’s love.  I can honestly say that he has not been angry even once over his condition.  He cries and gets frustrated, but has never said it isn’t fair or I am upset with God.  How can it be that I struggle so much and my 14-year old son does not falter in his faith?  How can he have so much empathy and compassion for others when he is so miserable? He remembers to pray for everyone we know who is sick or having a hard time in life, and also gives generously to our ministry, E4 project, and other organizations such as Free Wheelchair Mission, Lifewater International and World Vision to help children in Africa. All he wanted for Christmas was money for the organizations he supports - he is 14!  I cannot even imagine having faith like that and putting it into action at such a young age.   For awhile, I thought he was keeping his emotions locked inside him, but I have come to realize that God is doing an amazing work in his life and has guarded him in every way during this trial. 

At one of my lowest points last year when Ryan was very sick, I was talking with a friend again about Ryan and my struggles with my faith.  God used her in our conversation that day to bring me out of my depression and see things in a new light.  She knows Ryan well, and she reminded me that God knew before Ryan was born that he would go through this trial.  That God has equipped Ryan with what he needs to get through and that Ryan probably feels His presence and strength in ways that I cannot imagine. God is shielding him and filling him with a peace that only comes from Him.  Her words really led me to a turning point and I feel that I really let go and gave our trials over to God as best as I could (again).  A couple days later my son spoke words to me that confirmed that God was using my friend that day to speak truth into my life and to help me understand the depth of His love for Ryan. 

We read the teen edition of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. While the passage we read applies to all of us, it seemed that night as if Ryan and our family were the only one in the world that it was written for (the passage is quoted below).  We talked about embracing the challenges that God puts in our lives and finding blessings along the way and choosing to trust Him in all situations.  Ryan has been open about how much he trusts God and knows that God is going to use this trial in his life, but this brought me to tears (which obviously has not been hard to do).  As we talked about how this reading related to him, he said he too felt like it was written specifically to him.  He then went on to tell me that it pretty much sums up how he feels and his faith in Christ through everything.  He shared with me that on his good days, he thanks God for giving him that day.  He said, “Mom, when I thank God for my good days, I have a feeling in me that is more than happiness.  I can actually feel joy in my heart – joy that I know comes from God.”   I could not be prouder of this amazing teenager and I know that God is covering him in His love and protection – it definitely surpasses my understanding.  I cannot wait to see how God uses him in the future.

Jesus Calling -- "Strive to trust Me in more and more areas of your life.  Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity.  Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessing I have hidden in the difficulties.  If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust me in all situations.  Don't waster energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been.  Start at the present moment - accepting things exactly as they are - and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances.  Trust me like a staff you can lean on as you journey uphill with me. If you are trusting in me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed.  Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind." 

And yes......Ryan gave me permission to share this with all of you.  I hope it helps someone out there with struggles that you are facing in your own life.  Below is a photo of him struggling through homeschool last year.  After 9 doctors, we finally found the best one.  Ryan is improving and is back in school full time.  Thankful and blessed.  I would love to say that my struggles with my faith are gone as he is getting better, but I am only human......I have grown a lot, but always have a ways to go.

With Liberty and Justice for All

“Perhaps the greatest strength of the Liberty Bell is the way it symbolizes the never ending quest for freedom and the need to be remain forever vigilant, for liberties gained, can also be lost.” – NPS Sign at Liberty Bell

Our organization, E4 Project, was involved in The Justice Conference last weekend in Philadelphia.  We were exhibitors there, and four of us spent time sharing about the work that we are doing with our national ministry partners in Gabon and DR Congo.  It was such a great place to hold a conference about biblical justice and the injustices in our society and the world.  We connected with so many amazing ministries serving Christ and His people around the world.

I spent the last afternoon in Philadelphia visiting the sites – mainly the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall.  As I had just spent the weekend discussing and learning more about what it means to be “just” – the way God calls us to be, it was striking to stand at the Liberty Bell and think about all it has stood for throughout time.

We grow up saying the Pledge of Allegiance, but I don’t think we really listen to what we are saying, “with liberty and justice for all”  That just does not exist for so many people in our own country and around the world.  Liberty is living in a state of freedom without oppression.  Our Declaration of Independence states, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”  Do we truly believe this?  If we believe that all people are created equal, don’t we have a long way to go to see that this vision starts to play out in our own country and around the world?  27 million men, women and children are held as slaves (Kevin Bales, Disposable People) in our world today.  This exists in the U.S., as well as around the world.  The inequity in our society grows wider every day as more Americans fall below the poverty line, while the extremely wealthy make more money.  What are we doing about this?

Definition of Liberty – the state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one’s way of life.

The Justice Conference and my time in Philadelphia was an awesome experience and reminder of what God wants me to do with my life – give it away to those less fortunate than me. Sometimes, I think that many of us Christians don’t focus on this as we go about our day to day life.  We think we are following Christ, but we are more like goats than sheeps (Matthew 25).  I want to stand before God and know that I gave my life away for Him and took care of His people around the world and in my own community and country.  Lord, help me seek this everyday as my sole purpose for living.  It is so easy to get distracted by the things of this world, and it happens to me all the time.  I just continue to pray that God will lead me back to his heart and my true calling as a Christ follower.

It always helps to go to a conference and hear amazing speakers such as Dr. John Perkins (Civil Rights leader and author), Gary Haugen (founder of International Justice Mission and author), Lynne Hybels (Co-founder of Willow Creek Church), Ken Wytsma (founder of the Justice Conference and author), Shane Clairborne (author and founder of the Simple Way) and so many more…..we get all excited in our call to be “just” and not to just “do justice”, but then life gets busy again and we lose our momentum at times.  I love that Gary Haugen spoke about the tedious, messy and hard work serving other people is.  He said, “Love that conquers monotony, tedium and the uninteresting – on most days this is the kind of love that most people need – people are all worthy of a love that won’t go away”. In order to see the amazing stories and awesome endings to God’s works of justice through organizations, churches and people, we have to go through years and years of hard work and often very tedious work.  It helps to remember this as we move forward in our ministry and each day in my own life.

I pray for the day when we can say “with liberty and justice for all”, and truly see that as Christians we have made a significant difference in the world around us for ALL people.

I would love for friends and family to join us at Justice2014 in L.A. next February – especially all of my Orange County friends since it is so close.  Check it out at The Justice Conference.

We live out our call most fully when we are a community of faith with arms wrapped about a community of pain.” John M. Perkins

    

How Many Times Do I Have To Be Reminded?

I think God sometimes watches our moves and the decisions that we make, and thinks "Nice try, but you are still going to follow My will for today, not yours.  I continue to ask that you focus on others more than yourself, even when you don't want to".  

I found myself in this situation yesterday as I tried to avoid a moment and a conversation that would take ten minutes out of my morning.  I was on my way home from dropping my younger son off at school, and stopped to grab my daily Diet Coke.  I had to get home and start homeschool with my older son who is battling Lyme Disease,  I had a staff meeting with E4 Project and a million other things on my list for the day.  

First, I need to explain that my morning Diet Coke problem has been used by God in numerous ways. God makes it pretty clear that we should care for those in our path every day.  As Beth Moore stated in a video in her James series that I just heard last night after this incident, "Our life should be full of mercy. In order for us to be filled with God's mercy, we have to feel mercy for people. You can help people financially when possible, and if you cannot afford to, you can always converse and notice them."  Well, throughout the past few years and different addresses, I have gotten to know some people in my path - the employees who I meet at my regular stops.  In every instance, it has led to me developing a friendship with my server and sharing Christ's love with them and either money or gift cards based on their needs.  Everyone has such an amazing story to share if you are open to hearing.  

My newest friend has been a gal that I have gotten to know over the past two year in Niwot, CO.  She is a recovering Meth addict and a mom of four children.  Her husband is from Mexico, has lived in the States legally for many years, but was deported after two DUIs.  They have been apart for about a year and a half now. She is working 6-7 days a week, struggling to pay all the bills and also lawyer fees to bring her husband back.  Last year at Christmas, our family helped pay for bus tickets so that they could be together in Juarez, Mexico on Christmas as a family.  We always have great conversations and I really enjoy talking with her.  However, I was really tired yesterday morning and decided to skip my regular stop so that I did not need to talk to anyone.  

I went to the nearby gas station in town that is owned by a Chinese family.  I hate to admit it, but I am in there enough too that they recognize me as a regular customer.  The morning gal is not very friendly and usually does not say a word to me.  Yesterday, however, she asks me if I am a nurse.  I glanced around to see if she was talking to someone else, but the question was directed at me.  I told her that I was not a nurse and then she asked me if I was in a hurry.  Of course the thought crossed my mind to say, "Yes, I am in a hurry", but I knew this would not be the correct response.  I told her that I had time and she proceeded to show me medical bills and a letter that she was trying to write for a Chinese friend. He does not speak English,  has major medical bills and a new cancer diagnosis.  I read her letter and the English was horrible.  I knew that the billing office would not understand all that she was writing.  My heart immediately opened up as I thought about this poor man who does not speak English, has cancer, makes $1000 per month and now has to go through treatments and medical bills without insurance.  After reading her letter and talking to her about the situation, I found myself offering to take the information home and write the letter for her friend.  

Last night, I wrote the letter to the billing office and gave them my name and number as a contact.  I said that I could help pass information back and forth between the hospital and the family at the gas station so that they can help their friend sort out this nightmare he now faces.  I dropped the letter off this morning with the medical bills and told the gal that I am happy to continue to help them in this process.  I have no idea where this all will lead, but found it a little ironic that in my move to avoid a simple conversation with someone, I ended up in a deeper conversation and commitment.  I came home thinking that God can be really creative at getting my attention.

Last night the words to one of my favorite songs was running through my head.  The song is called, "Asleep in the Light" by Keith Green.  I encourage you all to google the full lyrics and listen to this song.  It is very convicting.  The words that I heard over and over were as follows:

"Cause He brings people to your door, and you turn them away, as you smile and say, "God bless you, be at peace" and all heaven just weeps.  Cause Jesus came to your door, you've left Him on on the streets" - Keith Green

I really do try and live my life in a way that I never close the door on anyone in need.  However, there are plenty of times that my selfishness and idea that my time is more important than others gets in the way.  I am really glad that God reminded me yesterday that my life is not my own, it is His.  

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ - Matthew 25: 31-40

I also want to add a footnote here that for the most part, I am down to this one soda a day.  I used to drink much more than that, and I am still working on getting off this poison completely - no need to lecture me in the comments section about this : )  At least God is using it to bring me into conversation and friendship with people who would normally not be a part of my life.

Nebobongo Hospital Crisis

Although this is not an actual blog post, I wanted to post it for those of you who follow my blog.  This is a newsletter that I wrote for our 501(c)3 ministry regarding a crisis in the Congo.  I thought you would all like to see what we are involved with here.  For those friends who follow E4 and have given to this cause, thank you all so much.  We have raised over $4500.00 since yesterday afternoon!  100% of all donations given to this cause are going directly to the hospital.  Please pray for the Bantaneni family and other staff serving at the hospital.  

Nebobongo Hospital, Congo - Urgent Request

We are sending this out as a plea for you to financially support some immediate needs at Nebobongo Hospital in the Congo. We also ask that you pray for our friends in the Congo and the current medical crisis that they are experiencing. If everyone receiving this newsletter gave $10, we could provide for all of the immediate needs at the hospital.

There has been an outbreak of severe malaria accompanied by salmonella, mainly among children in the surrounding villages. For the past couple of months, children have been pouring into the primitive hospital that does not even have running water and limited electricity. The doctors are working around the clock to save the children, who are currently about four to a bed right now, in a hospital that only has 100 beds.

In addition to this outbreak, several cases of ebola have been diagnosed this week in a nearby village, putting the hospital in the "red zone" because of the dangerous proximity. The hospital needs very basic supplies such as rubber gloves, sodium hypochlorite, mops, plastic barrels for retrieving water, and many more basic supplies. They do not have enough of these necessities to keep the hospital disinfected right now for the patients.

Nebobongo Hospital is a Christian run hospital that is under the authority of the regional church, CECCA -16 in the northeast corner of the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). The Nebobongo Evangelical Hospital, for all of its resource challenges, remains the best-equipped and staffed hospital in an area serving over 260,000 people. Just the fact that they have doctors and medicine in their pharmacy puts them on a level above the majority of hospitals in the area.

At E4 Project, we are working towards developing long term solutions for equipping and empowering the doctors and staff at Nebobongo Hospital. We have a relationship with Jean Claude and Christine Bataneni who serve as doctors at this very basic hospital. Jean Claude and Christine were both born in this hospital and were clearly called by God to return to their home village to serve among their people. Jean Claude finished his surgeon program and five year residency at Bongolo Hospital in Gabon about a year ago. He returned with his family to their home village in the Congo.

The Bataneni's have two young boys and Christine just gave birth last evening to their third boy. He was 5 weeks early, but both Christine and the baby are doing well. We praise God for this! Jean Claude has put Christine and the children in a home in seclusion from the villagers so that she and the baby are not exposed to the outbreaks of illness that are currently happening. Our plan with Jean Claude was to evacuate her and the rest of the family this week, so that she could deliver in a safer environment. The new plan is to allow her to recover from the birth for about two weeks, and then evacuate the family and an additional family member to help, for two months to a safer city. Jean Claude is making arrangements to have Mission Aviation Fellowship fly them out in two weeks and also arrangements for all of their accommodations.

We sent funds on Friday to cover these costs for the Bataneni family. The money arrived quickly via wire transfer and is in their accounts today! The funds that we sent will also cover the first two tiers of the emergency medical plan that Jean Claude outlined for us in detail. If you are interested in viewing the spreadsheet for the emergency response plan, please let us know and we will email it to you.

Thank you for your prayers and financial support for this amazing medical ministry in the Congo. Please continue to pray for the Bataneni family and those affected by the awful outbreaks of serious illness.

As many of you are aware, the DRC is a war-torn country with little infrastructure and even less medical care. We are serving with the Bataneni family as they serve their own people in one of the most dangerous countries in the world. Please help us by donating today at http://www.e4project.org/give. In the comments field, please enter the term "Nebo" Thank you very much for your prayers and support.

A Day with National Geographic

“We need freedom to roam across land owned by no one but protected by all, whose unchanging horizon is the same that bounded the world of our millennial ancestors." - Edward O. Wilson

I took my boys up to Rocky Mountain National Park for “BioBlitz 2012”.  A day of tracking all species and organisms that can be counted in a 24 hour period of time with National Geographic, the National Park System, Scientists and many volunteers.  We also took part in the weekend Biodiversity Festivial.  Since I am homeschooling Ryan this year, it was a great Science field trip for him.  Since Carter loves animals and nature more than just about anything, it was a great excuse to pull him out of school and head for the mountains. 

I majored in Environmental Planning and worked for and was mentored by an Environmental Lawyer who was also a professor of mine and even wrote part of the Endangered Species Act.  During my time at his firm, I added to my knowledge of biodiversity, endangered species, habitat conservation plans, wildlife corridors, etc.  It is such an amazing feeling to now share all of that knowledge with my boys.  The boys have a similar understanding already to what I had in college.  Our family has spent so much time in nature - from our local mountains to months in the Glacier National Park area in MT, Yellowstone, Tetons, Yosemite, Alaska, the Masai Mara in Kenya, tide pools at the beach I grew up at, etc.  They love nature and animals and it is something that Eric and I have been intentional about passing down to them and educating them about.  

I love nature - it is probably where I find the most peace and connect the most with God. I saw this in Carter this weekend as he and I spent an extra day exploring every part of Rocky Mountain National Park.  Carter said things like, "God is amazing - his world is full of so much imagination" and "God blessed us with seeing elk, moose, coyotes and a marmot today".  It is so precious to see him experience God in this way as well.  He had the most peaceful expression all day long as he photographed lakes, flowers, trees, moss and just about anything else he could find.  It was as if he could feel God's presence among the created and was basking in it all.

We revisited issues that we talk about a lot - especially endangered species. Our family has a passion for protecting wildlife and saving endangered species.  Carter is fascinated with wolverines and we heard an amazing Wildlife Biologist who studied wolverines in Glacier National Park for years and wrote a book about it.  He autographed it and wrote a note to Carter in it, and my son was over the moon.  He is actually reading a scientific book about wolverines right now.  Carter wants to run a Wildlife Refuge in Alaska for injured and orphaned animals, and he is hoping for a wolverine as well.

My hope is that our generation and the next will care even more about protecting our environment and species and see that we have a huge role in the stewardship of our earth.  I pray that Christians will see that we are playing a major part in the degradation of our earth and that God has called us to protect it.  I believe Christians should be leading the way on environmental issues, not fighting them because there are issues that are seen as "political" with it all.  I believe our children will ask us when they are grown what we did to help protect the natural world around them.  I plan to have answers for that.

“Every time we, as humans, drive a species to extinction, we are stating that what God created, we can destroy.  There is no scripture to support that view.  Every time a species goes extinct, we are defaulting on the account that God has called us to manage.  We are at the crossroads, able to choose to say or to destroy.  It is our choice.  The Bible is clear that creation expresses God's wisdom and power.  Christians are called to be stewards, to nurture, to protect, to preserve His creation." - www.christianecology.org

Job 12:7-10.  But ask the animals, and they will teach you; or birds of the air and they will tell you; or speak to the earth and it will teach you; or let the fish of the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the lord has done this. In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.